The Twelve Days of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas, Speed Saunders gave to me:

A child's corpse in a bare tree.

On the second day of Christmas, Speed Saunders gave to me:

Two Bloodied Tusks,

and a child's corpse in a bare tree.

On the third day of Christmas, Speed Saunders gave to me:

Free Red Gems,

two bloodied tusks, 

and a child's corpse in a bare tree.

One the fourth day of Christmas, Speed Saunders gave to me:

Urgent Calling Words,

free red gems, 

two bloodied tusks, 

and a child's corpse in a bare tree.

On the fifth day of Christmas, Speed Saunders gave to me:

GOLDFISH SPY-RINGS!

urgent calling words, 

free red gems, 

two bloodied tusks, 

and a child's corpse in a bare tree.

On the sixth day of Christmas, Speed Saunders gave to me:

Stiff Corpses Splaying,

GOLDFISH SPY-RINGS!

urgent calling words, 

free red gems, 

two bloodied tusks, 

and a child's corpse in a bare tree.

On the seventh day of Christmas, Speed Saunders gave to me:

Secret Panels Swinging,

stiff corpses splaying,

GOLDFISH SPY-RINGS!

urgent calling words, 

free red gems, 

two bloodied tusks, 

and a child's corpse in a bare tree.

On the eighth day of Christmas, Speed Saunders gave to me:

Sly Knaves A-Bilking,

secret panels swinging, 

stiff corpses splaying,

GOLDFISH SPY-RINGS!

urgent calling words, 

free red gems, 

two bloodied tusks, 

and a child's corpse in a bare tree.

On the ninth day of Christmas, Speed Saunders gave to me: 

Ladies Informing,

sly knaves a-bilking, 

secret panels swinging, 

stiff corpses splaying,

GOLDFISH SPY-RINGS!

urgent calling words, 

free red gems, 

two bloodied tusks, 

and a child's corpse in a bare tree.

On the tenth day of Christmas, Speed Saunders gave to me:

Head-Wounds A-Leaking,

ladies informing, 

sly knaves a-bilking, 

secret panels swinging, 

stiff corpses splaying,

GOLDFISH SPY-RINGS!

urgent calling words, 

free red gems, 

two bloodied tusks, 

and a child's corpse in a bare tree.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, Speed Saunders gave to me:

Dapper Snipers Sniping,

head-wounds a-leaking, 

ladies informing, 

sly knaves a-bilking, 

secret panels swinging, 

stiff corpses splaying,

GOLDFISH SPY-RINGS!

urgent calling words, 

free red gems, 

two bloodied tusks, 

and a child's corpse in a bare tree.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, Speed Saunders gave to me:

Stomach Pumps A-Pumping,

dapper snipers sniping, 

head-wounds a-leaking, 

ladies informing, 

sly knaves a-bilking, 

secret panels swinging, 

stiff corpses splaying,

GOLDFISH SPY-RINGS!

urgent calling words, 

free red gems, 

two bloodied tusks, 

and a child's corpse in a bare tree.

Speed Saunders' Mammoth Mystery: Take that--and THAT!

Uh-oh; kitten has a WHIP.

 Elkins does not take kindly to Speed's rifling through his garbage for wire.

My interpretation of this panel is that Speed is warping space-time to prevent the whip from hitting him while simultaneously punching Elkins in the Animal Crotch. It's a real flex.

Speed decides NOT to kill Elkins on the spot even though as a Detective Inspector Ace Investigator, he has every right to, of course.

Speed Fact: Speed himself is immune to trial by jury because he has no peers!

Elkins is more prepared for immediate retaliation than you would expect from a man who had to steal two mammoth tusks from a museum to eliminate a rival.  

But, say, isn't that Joe Samson The Circus Strongman, recognizable by his blue jodhpurs? 

Not often you see someone save SPEED SAUNDERS, particularly someone whom Speed recently knocked on his patootie.

Speed decides to arrest everyone in the immediate vicinity, for the sake of thoroughness.

Wow, Joe was being manipulated by the murderer into cooperating by threat of exposing previous financial crime? Are we quite sure "Fred Guardineer" wasn't just an Agatha Christie nom de plume?

They were NEVER seen TOGETHER, you know.

And now: the Speedsplanation.

The Face of Judgement looks pretty darned sexy with whip marks.

So... Elkins made Jumbo wear... silencers? Or tusk condoms, however you want to coin it.  Instead of just... WASHING THE ELEPHANT'S tusks? Is it harder to wash an elephant's trunks than to unhook and dispose of bloodied mammoth tusks?  Is Elkins simply too effete to wash the elephant's tusks, for fear of getting Bushland Bill's Gore And Blood-splash on his jodhpurs? As always, the Speedsplanation leaves me speechless.

Note that Rosita (did we ever even find out what she DID at the circus?) was dismissed from the plot as soon as she, having converted from an obstacle into a Useful Female Informant, conveyed the necessary background information ("Elkins The Animal Man was jealous of Bushland Bill Mercer, and possibly also of Bushland Bill's Hair And Mustache!"). I don't think that's her in the hat in the background because she's wearing a different outfit. I think that's just a random Observer of Justice or perhaps the character who will prompt Speed's next adventure.  I can easily imagine that all of Speed's adventures can secretly be laid end-to-end in one big never-ending saga of dispensing judgement.

Just like the adventures of McBain or Kenneth Branagh's Hercule Poirot.

Speed Saunders' Mammoth Mystery: HELLO

While searching the tent of Joe Samson the Circus Strongman, Speed says, "HELLO--what's this?"  I just love it when detectives say "HELLO--what's this?"  I always imagine them saying it just like William Dozier.

 

Well, it appears to be an Acme Do-It-Yourself Inflatable Clown Kit, Speed, but I'm not sure what it looks like to you.

Speed has found something you would NEVER IMAGINE an innocent circus person to own: a wig and false mustache.  They reek of deceit and spirit gum.  The props, I mean, not the circus folk, although I suppose it applies.  

I can only assume that since this is September 1939, that author Fred Guardineer lifted this plot point from Agatha Christie's "Hercule Poirot's Christmas", which was published in the U.S. in February 1939.  See, Speed, I can make unwarranted leaps of deduction, too!

"Bushland Bill's Hair and Mustache!" is now my new signature exclamation.

I have no idea how Speed can recognize these objects as "Bushland Bill's Hair and Mustache!" I guess staring at corpses can pay off in the end.  As for the rouge, I guess BB had a ruddy complexion (being an Explorer, you know, especially one who can't drive and must walk across the Serengeti  during his adventuring).   Anyway, this confirms Speed's suspicion that Joe Samson The Circus Strongman wore Bushland Bill's Hair and Mustache(!) while teasing Jumbo, in order to train Jumbo to attack Bushland Bill (or at least to attack Bushland Bill's Hair and Mustache[!], with Bushland Bill bearing the brunt of the damage).

Do tiny telegram messengers just... wander about traveling circuses looking for recipients, as if it were a fixed location?  The past is a foreign country, especially when Speed Saunders is living there.

The postal telegram confirms Speed's suspicions, because how could it dare to do otherwise?

Not every circus roundabout is sufficiently secure in his masculinity to sport apricot nail polish, but Speed is no ordinary man. 

Hm. Tusks is plural.  So there were at least two stolen. "Last July", however long ago that was. Oh, not for nothing, you'll notice that in his original telegram Speed referred to himself as "Inspector Saunders", but the reply addresses him as "Detective Saunders".  You see why he eventually just evolves in "Speed Saunders", which is all the title he needs to exercise authority.

Thanks for withholding essential information like the name of the circus until it was absolutely necessary, Speed. Wouldn't want to confuse your readers.

Bingling Bros.? Honestly, you'd think trademark infringement would be their main concern, not murder.

You know what might have been more detective-like, Speed? Noticing those scratches during all your hours cleaning that elephant.

Now Speed goes to the tent of Elkins The Animal Man, because he is full snooping mode, convinced he can wrap this case up before the evening show.

Elkins' thinking: "Well, these mammoth tusks--and the wire used to affix them to Jumbo's own tusks--have served their purpose now. So I guess I will:
dispose of one of these rare and valuable pre-historic items in an unspecified way;
leave the other stuck in Bushland Bill's corpse, hoping the police won't notice it; but
definitely keep the WIRE, because, gosh, that stuff is just so darned HANDY it would be a shame to waste it merely to avoid a murder conviction."

Speed has a rare moment of self-realization that all his victories may well be unearned.

"The evidence is all ready for court." Dream on, Speed. Harvey Dent couldn't make that case stick even if he used the wire to attach it.

Well, Speed seems to think the case is all wrapped up... with a full page still to go! Tomorrow, we'll enjoy a full page of Speed just kicking back and relaxing, perhaps driving slowly the 12 miles back to town while taking in the countryside.

Perhaps.

Tomorrow: Perhaps NOT!

Speed Saunders' Mammoth Mystery: Bull Run

Speed has hit upon the idea of asking whether any museums are missing mammoth tusks, since the only extant mammoth tusks are in museums. 

"It seems so simple when you explain it, Holmes!"

Returning to his roustabout duties, Speeds observes Elkins The Animal Man.

Do you think circuses have jodhpur wranglers to iron all those pants?

All is well, unless, you know, the elephant goes wild.

Hate it when that happens.

I guess you can only stare at jodhpurs so long without losing it.

The elephant charges Joe (and, by extension, us, as well).

I could swear I saw this scene in a "Shylock Fox" strip.

Joe Sampson, the Circus Strongman, is so panicked he runs straight through the Fourth Wall and into our reality, becoming the inspiration for Grant Morrison's Flex Mentallo.

Jumbo. I knew the elephant's name would be Jumbo.

Elkins proves himself master of not only animals but oxymorons as well.

That... is a perfectly solid reason why Jumbo would attack Joe.  It's not Horton, for Geisel's sake.

Like any investigator worth his salt, Speed blames the victim and decides to search Joe Sampson's tent.

Don't worry, Speed. Given the randomness of your methods, I'm sure no one would suspect you to be a detective.

Tomorrow: HELLO!

Speed Saunders's Mammoth Mystery: The Revelation of Speed

When we last left Speed,  he was being inexpertly tailed by Joe The Circus Strongman Who Looks Like the Murder Victim, Bushland Bill Mercer...

 

But now Speed has put on his TIE, thus revealing his true identity as an Ace Investigator.  Like Zeus and Hermes visiting Baucis and Philomena, Speed is revealed to be not a lowly wayfarer but rather an all-powerful divinity.

Sicut fulmen Jovis ab apice montis Olympi, 
 ictus celeritatis emicuit fortem ferens.

Like Semele before Zeus's full glory, Joe is struck down.

Unbeknownst to Joe, such is Saunders' puissance that he is now pregnant with Speed's child.

Speed follows his humiliation of the Circus Strongman by revealing his True Nature to Rosita.

But this is Rosita, a road-hardened circus kinker; she ain't no Semele.

"Think nothing of it, ma'am; a lot of people try to have me killed. It's flattering, really."

Although not exactly cowed, Rosita is converted by Speed's revelation into a Useful Female Informant. Rosita needlessly complicates matters by giving Joe The Circus Strongman the surname (or stage name) of "Samson".

Who wouldn't be jealous of Bushland Bill, a man who managed to become a Famous Explorer without learning how to drive, fallen so far as to become a circus performer whom no one cares enough about to notice his absence after the jump from the previous town?

What Speed's reaction is to her information we will never know, because the next panel is already the next day, when he's at the telegraph office doing a basic bit of research you'd imagine the authorities would have done already.

"Hey, museums; anyone missing a hollowed out mammoth tusk....?"

Tomorrow: the exciting telegraphic reply!